“Can I
get you anything,” the race director Valerie Abradi asked me as I came into the
finish area of the 50 K Big Brad Ultra (BBU).
“Yes, a
shrink,” I responded as I had just dropped out of the 50K race with only about
eight miles left to go. I couldn’t really figure out why I wanted to drop, why
I didn’t want to run another foot, let alone eight miles, and even though I was
having a really good day, ahead of my planned pace, I just wanted to take off
my shoes and go home.
Now
less than two weeks later was my chance at redemption. Just like the Red Sox
had the chance to redeem themselves from the previous season, I had the chance
to redeem myself from a DNF. Coincidentally, the Sox victory parade was
scheduled to take place the same morning as the race. I was fortunate enough to
get a spot in the Stone Cat Trail Marathon in Ipswich, Massachusetts through
their lottery and I was determined not to let this opportunity to escape. I had
been unsure during the BBU that I even wanted to do this race, hell I wasn’t
even sure that I ever wanted to run again. But in talking with my wife Mo, she
got me determined to go out and do my best at the Stone Cat. I began to look at
the BBU as a training run, I ran mostly with my dog and for two weeks I never
wore a watch on any of my runs. It seemed to be working as I was enjoying
running again and was really looking forward to redeeming myself.
One other
thing I did, or rather did not do, was to live a little like a normal person in
the days leading up to the race. I didn’t obsess about details of a healthy
runner’s life by totally carbing up, drinking lots of water, stretching a lot
or even getting lots of sleep. There was a good reason for this lifestyle as
the Red Sox were making their final push for their third World Series
Championship in my lifetime and I was passionately tuned in. Oh yah, I did
treat myself to fried chicken and beer after my DNF at the BBU, just like that
pitching staff of 2011, which was now lights out.
I spent
a very busy Friday before the race getting the house ready for a visit from my
mother and sister in law, a day after going out in the rain with the family for
Halloween trick or treating, and all the time it took getting last minute items
for their costumes. Like I said I was living a very normal life. So when my
wife arrived home with her mom and sister from the airport, I spent less time with
them than the time Clay Bucholz spends between pitches when I took off to spend
the night at a hotel close to the race. Now it was time to wind down and I was
treated to a glorious sunset coming into Portland.
I got
really lucky finding my hotel as I had just decided to pull off Route 1 in
Danvers, MA at a restaurant which just happened to be right in front of my
hotel. I checked in and then knocked on the door across the hall where Valerie
and Rick were staying. Valerie accompanied me for dinner as Rick tried to get
some rest as he too was running the marathon the next morning. We met up with
Sean Case, who was to run the fifty mile race, at the restaurant and I had an
utterly fantastic pasta dish, and really want to come back and do the race next
year just to come back and try something different on the menu.
Back at
the hotel, I enjoyed watching a couple movies while trying to get to sleep. I
was glad for the wakeup call at 4:15 as I hadn’t set the alarm clock correctly
and sure I would have slept well past starting time. Well at least I could have
gone to the World Series parade not so far away. My wife, brother and I did go
to the 2004 Parade, which was the greatest sporting event I have ever been too,
even though it obviously was not even a game.
The
breakfast buffet room was full of runners as I made a waffle and topped it with
some honey. A little coffee to wash it all down and I was good. A cup of tea
added some more caffeine to my tired system as I drove north on Route 1 in the
dark. No problem finding my way but I began to wonder why runners were wearing
headlamps walking from the parking lot to the school starting area. I thought
they were all just trying to be safe while on the side of the road and didn’t
think much about the 6:30 AM start time.
After I
got my race number and shirt I heard someone call out, “Hey, L.L. Bean.” I
immediately recognized a guy who had run the Sugarloaf Marathon with me two
years ago and was a customer of mine at the store. This Sean was from
Massachusetts would be running the marathon as well and was still feeling
pretty elated about his 3:14 performance at this year’s Sugarloaf Marathon
which more than qualified him for Boston as he was a little over fifty.
My
usual pre-race nerves were nonexistent as I met up with fellow Trail Monster
runners. As far as I could tell Danielle Triffit was relaxed despite facing her
first fifty mile race, even though her husband and crew chief extraordinaire
Ryan said she was extremely nervous. George and Ann Alexion were all smiles
getting ready for their marathon. Bob Porier seemed dialed in for the marathon,
Rick and Sean were also there getting ready to go with us as we waited inside
the school gym.
Around
this time, Monsters noticed that I didn’t have a headlamp on. I stated that I
didn’t bring one as I didn’t plan ahead. Ryan offered me one, but I politely
declined figuring I would only need one for half an hour or so and could just
mooch light off other runners and force me to take it a little slow at the
start and not burn myself out.
I hung
out with Rick near the starting area outside while the fifty milers took off a
half hour before our race. Bob came up to me with an extra headlamp which I
couldn’t turn down. I put it on and it felt a little loose and didn’t seem to
be putting out much light but I kept it on and soon enough our race began. I
had been feeling warm enough even though it was chilly and I was wearing only a
shirt and shorts but actually began to feel more chilled as I started the first
of two laps around the athletic fields before we were to hit the trail. The
headlamp still didn’t seem to do much for me and so I handed it off to one of
the Monster crew members heading into my second lap.
I
stayed tight to other runners as we went around the school on the road and then
finally onto the trail. I could see well enough by staying behind other runners
and was thankful there weren’t nearly as many rocks and roots as I was used to
running over and around back home. My pace felt a little slow, but I didn’t
check my watch wanting to keep my footing, and would have to wait for other
runners to pass before I could move forward using someone else’s light.
Slowly
but surely the sun began to rise, just like it always does and I began to run
on my own while wondering when other runners were going to turn off their
lights. I found the course to be well marked and kept a comfortable pace not
having researched the course much ahead of time. Valerie had described the
course as “Bradbury Lite” and I was enjoying not having steep climbs or hairpin
turns to contend with every fifty yards.
I stuck
with water at the first aid station, even stopping to drink it all down and
properly throwing away the cup before moving on. I ran close to a few other
runners as we passed other runners. It wasn’t until around mile seven or more
when we began to catch up to some fifty mile runners. One guy ahead of me was
very encouraging to runners he passed and when I finally stepped past him I was
awaiting some of the same encouragement but got none. No big deal, save your
energy.
My body
was still a little cool as the trees shaded us from the morning sun but I was
glad to be cool as I noticed many fifty mile runners dressed too warm and hoped
they were planning to drop layers as they came into the main aid station,
start/finish line back at the school. I found myself in a good zone and
followed another runner dressed similar to myself. I also began to notice his
gait and how his left foot kicked back at an odd angle. The only other thing
really going through my mind was AC/DC lyrics. There were a few runners with
headphones but I was glad my inner playlist was rocking some bad ass tunes from
down under.
I
caught up with Sean Case sometime after the second aid station. I still checked
in with him to make sure he had been eating and drinking. He looked good, and I
felt good so I moved on enjoying my time on the trail. On occasion, I would
give a check to my watch and was real surprised by my pace. I was sure I was
not holding a sub eight minute pace and I most certainly did not want to be in
fear of burning myself out. I had gotten in more than six miles before the hour
mark and was on a similar pace heading toward the second hour. Before the race
I had figured that if I did just a little better than six miles per hour than I
would be able to break four hours in the marathon. So far, my plan was working.
I was a
little surprised when a few runners started coming toward me. Then even more
were heading my way, but we all stuck to the right and I’m glad to report there
were no mid trail collisions. I realized I must be getting close to the school
and sure enough, just beyond the swamp and around a turn I was on the ball
fields and heard some Monster cheers directed toward me. I told the crew that I
was good and just drank some more water at the aid station. Heading back out, I
was surprised not to see Danielle and asked Ryan her status, which turned out
to be a porta-potty break.
After a
couple turns, I was climbing one hill and still feeling strong enough to run
it. I didn’t want to stop running. I didn’t want to give in to any walking. I
feared that if I did my race as I knew it would be over. There were more and
more runners to catch up to, and I thought most of them must have been 50
milers until I saw Sean from Mass working his way up the next hill. I caught up
to him a few minutes later and it was good to spend some time chatting with
him. Eventually he told me to go ahead as he needed to slow his pace. I told
him that I would probably be burning out in a few miles and that he would be
able to catch back up to me.
AC/DC
was still rocking between my ears when I stopped at the first aid station once
again. Just some more water, and taking time to drink it all. I got a little
disgusted when I came upon a few cups thrown away to the side of the trail far
beyond the aid station. Could be worse, sure, but made me appreciate just how
courteous all the runners seem to be back at Bradbury.
All my
gear and apparel choices were performing well. I had switched shoes from Brooks
Pure Grits to more cushioned New Balance 1210 Leadvilles and was pleased that I
was still able to be rather nimble over trail obstacles. Also, I had switched
from a bladder backpack to a waist belt with a water bottle. My only complaint
was that the strap would loosen up and I had to retighten it about every half
mile or so. I wasn’t totally sure whether the strap was loosening or that I had
dropped a dress size through the course of the race.
With
eight miles left in my last race, I had officially quit. I had sat down and
quit about two or three times before that but with eight left, I finally left
the course and walked back to my car. Now as my watch beeped and I saw that I
was eighteen miles in with only eight left, I felt the wall. That feeling where
energy moves away from your body and is replaced by a chilling tingle that says
you’ve gone too far. “F… you wall! This is my f…ing body!” This was only a
physical obstacle, I could overcome this.
My
first step was to eat a magical marshmallow. Well, it really wasn’t magical but
if I thought it was magical than it would be. Sadly, this was the first thing I
had eaten since before the race when I did eat one Clif Block. That marshmallow
tasted so good, and went down so easy. I washed it down and soon let out a monstrous
burp that had a couple runners twenty to thirty yards away turn their heads.
One said, “Hey is that a Monster.” He turned out to be a runner from Maine who
also works for L.L. Bean and was attempting his first fifty miler. We chatted a
little but he let me move ahead as I was finding some new life.
I had
another Clif Block before coming into the next aid station, doing all I could
to kick down that wall in front of me. I was a little confused coming into the
aid station, as there was a sign indicating the next aid station was a little
over five miles away, but that was just about how much distance was left in the
race according to my watch, unless it was wrong. Could it be wrong? I hadn’t
thought of that. I began to question that even more when I got passed for the
first time and the young lady asked what we had for miles left. I figured
somewhere about four, and as I watched her cruise well ahead I knew that I
wouldn’t see her again.
A week
before the race, I went and watched Gravity all by myself, literally I was the
only one in the theater, and I decided that if I found myself in trouble during
the race that I needed to channel my inner Sandra Bullock to get me to the
finish line. Now here I was with approximately four miles left, and I found
that I did indeed need to pretend I was an astronaut lost in space trying to
get home. I couldn’t give up, and I just couldn’t go through the motions. I had
trained for this situation and I needed to execute. Keep the legs going, go as
long and as strong as you can while minimizing the effort. Kind of
contradictory I know. I needed to stay under ten minute miles to still break
four hours. As far as I could remember
there was just really one challenging climb left, it was short but steep. When
I did get up to it I kept running, very slow running but yet still running.
Once over this hump I should be able to get to the next Space Station, I mean
aid station.
There
had been one runner behind me for some time now and I felt like I had been
pushing a little hard to keep in front, although I knew it was just a matter of
time before he would pass. I was okay with that, as that would mean really only
two people had passed me in the last lap and a half. I told him to go by, and
he declined but I really did want him by me so that I could slow my pace just a
little more. He finally sensed that, as I had also slowed up and made his way
past me, but not as blazingly as the young lady.
The
trail grew flat and straight once again, and I knew that meant I was coming
near the end. Certainly less than a mile left, I didn’t totally trust my watch.
At a sharp left turn were a few people to cheer me and other runners and then I
was making my way through the swamp where the trail was dry and only featured a
slight amount of mud. Another person was
seated alongside the trail to cheer runners and as I made my way past her,
thankfully she alerted me that I missed the turn that took me to the field and
thus the finish line.
There
was a little more confusion on my part exactly where the finish line was but
thankfully the Monster crew was there to direct me. I crossed at 3:52 and
although I was tired, salty with sweat, and tired legs, my body did not feel
completely spent. I grabbed some refreshments and was presented with my finisher
sweat shirt and received congratulations from fellow Monsters. It was a really
good feeling completing a marathon, it was even better knowing that I had
beaten my goal time, and even better
knowing that I had beaten the Ultrasignup.com finish time projection
(4:06).
I was
real thankful to have a seat to plop down into at the Monster camp and have
some good friends to share my joy with. I continued to hang with the Monsters
while recovering and cheering on our other runners as they either finished or
came and went on their fifty mile quests. The best treat was a brawt with all
the fixings made by Ryan and washed down with some special coffee.
Eventually,
it was time to begin my drive home. As I got back to my car, I found WEEI on
the radio and was able to tune into the Red Sox parade coverage. The parade was
winding down with the duck boats coming back into Fenway and the players going
back to their families officially ending their triumphant season by the time I
was back in Maine. Although I will not have a World Series ring or free drinks
in any Boston bar for the rest of my life, after this race I will have
something that those players also have, REDEMPTION!